Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fear not, I'm going insane!

At work today I was talking about Jaws from the old Bond movies. And the discussion went that people of extreme size, be they extremely tall or extremely small have a shorter life expectancy. Danny DeVito's name popped up and I concluded that he should be dead already because he's a tiny tiny midget.
Which got me thinking... Is there a guideline around when someone stops being short and starts being a Midget?
So I did me some research and apparently there is!
4 foot 10 inches. That's the cut off limit for being a midget.
This in turn got me thinking about people like Danny DeVito. He's five foot neat. Which means he's two inches off being a midget, and as such, is not entitled to all the benefits midgets are privy to, like entry to the Carnival of Little Folk, which is a tiny fairground made from Lego, in which midgets can ride the matchbox rollercoaster, enter the shoebox of horrors and look at the freak show, which is made up of even smaller midgets with moustaches.
I would be super pissed if I was four foot eleven. An inch away from midget-glory. Err... No innuendo please.

Someone at work also put on a cd entitled 'Songbirds', which unfortunately wasn't a new-age relaxation compilation with tie-dyed sleeve art. It was a collection of boring music by female singer songwriters which is meant to be soothing or something and possibly stop your ovaries from drying up as menopause approaches and making crackling sounds when you walk.
Anyway, it wasn't really to my liking and there was one particular song which came on that I found particularly annoying.
Now before I go on, I have to admit I have this amazing gift (or as The Girl would say, a fucking annoying habit) of having a kind of 'verbal shorthand', where I leave out important parts of what I'm saying and throw out seemingly random words.
So when asking who this particularly annoying song was by, I said "Is this the dead girl?"
Which in my head was a more concise form of "Is this artist Eva Cassidy, who after a battle with cancer, passed away leaving her music to be more widely recognised and a top selling album posthumously released?"
Needless to say, my colleagues, all of whom are female thought that calling her 'the dead girl' was highly insensitive.
Oh well... It made sense in my head.

I'm tired... Need sleep.
Pay day tomorrow. Fucking sweet.
Monthly pay is a shitbox idea.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think Ms Cassidy would mind you saying that.

She is dead, after all.

kae

Andrew said...

Bah, is the the late female recording artist? Very twee. Is this the dead girl makes sense.

jiminycricket said...

Kae: True, she may be dead but she can hear forever ... ever ...ever... ever..ever..ev.
(That was a poorly formatetd echo by the way.)

Andrew: I thought it made sense too. I'm not one for sugar-coating things.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

my roommate made me watch midget porn with her once. I still can't get the images out of my brain.

jiminycricket said...

Argh! Mini-peen!!