Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The dreaded return to work.

So, after the holiday bloat today marked the Dreaded Return To Place Of Employment Day.

I tried. I tried really hard. I tried projecting and all; Work would be good. My boss would cease her banshee-with-a-butterfly-mind ways and I'd be able to perform my job properly. The mad Welsh woman at work would for once not give me a story about one time when her and someone else did something which is loosely related to whatever it was I was previously talking about. Perhaps for once, I'd find the temperamental work microwave's 'Golden Period', which is the elusive perfect cook time, either side of which your lunch is either cold or exploded all over the inside.
Alas, no amount of positive thinking could bring me to rise above the 40 minute argument with my boss over how to get a certain font weight onto the new computers. This may not sound all that bad, but my boss is to computers as Hitler is to charity chocolate drives.
After printing out 15 pages in different fonts, changing the contrast on the printer because 'Maybe it's the printer not making it bold enough'... I finally just said I'd deal with it later and promptly blocked my mind from ever recalling to do this task.
Fed up, I emailed a recruitment agency I'd been in touch with when I first arrived in London and gave them a list of things I'd like in a job and prostrated myself before them, through the medium of email and willed them to find me a new job.

So please cross your fingers, squeeze your rosaries, throw peanuts to your Ganesha, do whatever you can to help the forces that be bring me a new job. Pleeeeeeease.

So my highlight of the day was when I heard the radio say "It looks like we could get snow here in London tonight". I couldn't help think that tonight at some dive in Brixton, a bunch of hip, jive cats are going to be bouncing to the 1993 number one hit 'Informer' with Canadian reggae/pop-rapper Snow.

Don't you remember? A licky boom boom down?

Unfortunately, I don't think this will be the case... I laughed inside a little though.
Incidentally, it turns out the name Snow is actually an acronym for Super Notorious Outrageous Whiteboy. It's true. Wiki says so. I thought maybe I could assume that acronym and update my CV accordingly.
Surely that would bring in the job offers.

Anyone else not enjoying this back-to-work rubbish?

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