Friday, February 29, 2008

Stop calling me, fools.

I just had a phone call at work that went like this:

Me: Hello, Jiminy speaking.

Guy: I want a Stella McCartney Adidas tersports hat.

(Long Silence)

Me: Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, what was it you were...

Guy: (interrupting) Stella McCartney Adidas tersports hat.

(At this stage I started getting self conscious that my voice was monotonous and he'd mistaken me for one of those automated voice recognition bots. Luckily there wasn't the sound of him mashing buttons to try and get back to the main menu. Also I couldn't think of any system that would have a question where one of the spoken response options would be 'Stella McCartney Adidas tersports hat'*)

Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about, we're actually an organisation that does 'x' (where x is completely unrelated to Stella McCartney Adidas tersports hats)

Guy: Oh, so you don't know about Stella McCartney Adidas tersports hats?

Me: (Tersely) No.

(Long silence)

Guy: Ok.

(Hangs up)

What the fuck? What is wrong with you man? And how many times do you have to say Stella McCartney tersports hat?
I did some research and it turns out that a Stella McCartney tersports hat looks like this:

What a shit beanie.

Who wants a hat like that one bad enough to call someone about it anyways? You could get one like that out of a bin. Or an even better one off a guy who lived in a bin. Also What makes a plain blue beanie 'designer'? It's not pleated in some crazy way. There's no asymmetrical lapels. It's wool, spun into string which is then knotted together in a head shape. You're a sham Stella McCartney.

It did remind me of the Bai Long Tong phone call I had a while back...

Phones are crazy.

Fridays are awesome.

Tell me your crazy phone stories. TELL ME THEM!

* Unless the question was "What is the shittest hat ever?"


Anonymous said...

for some reason, reading "what a shit beanie" under an image of a beanie is really, really funny to me. especially if it's out of context.

my crappiest phone conversation for customer service, went (on my side) like this:

"ok, you have to upload the file to ftp... F T P... file transfer protocol? you don't? okay, what about burning a data disc... a data disc... it's a disc with data on it... it's a cd, but not music, just files... you use a program to burn a cd... to write to the cd... you can't...? you work at Sony and you can't burn a cd? really? no no no don't email it, it's too large it'll... oh... okay, i'll wait for it... thanks..."

Jay said...

Have you see Fonejacker? I was reminded of the whole automated flat line sketch by this... Although I can't actually think of any good phone stories, I can offer that at one time I was personally involved in promoting the adidas by Stella McCartney wintersports range -- and so it was quite common to have journalists ring me up to request products. Maybe they'd tried to dial my old phone number and found a wormhole in space and time instead.

Technodoll said...

Wow. That dude has issues.

No funny phone stories here but one of my friends did get a 2am phonecall once from a guy who thought he was dialing a phone-sex line.

They spoke for 2 hours and ended up meeting and then screwing for a couple of years after that.

She called him "sexman", he called himself "tony" but friends who actually KNEW this guy from school confirmed his real name was "elvis".

I sh*t you not. And yes we live in a city of 3 million people.

Amanda said...

I don't get any fun phone calls like that. I do get phone calls from elderly people who feel that 7pm in the evening is far too late to receive a market research call asking them to complete a survey for us. "We've been members of ___ for 65 years!".

That's nice dear... why would you not want to tell us how much you love us? You obviously do if you've hung around that long. I expect we're intererupting their regular Home & Away session.

I don't care so much if they whinge about getting called- there's ways for them to get themselves out of that- it's the ones who complain about 7pm that amuse me.

Anonymous said...

LOL. I'm not a fan of Stella's fashion at all, but the middle classes go crazy for it.

jiminycricket said...

Nico: Haha... Trying to do anything vaguely technical with someone dense is a nightmare. I worked at software development company and spent many an hour trying to explain simple things to simple people.

Jay: I have seen Fonejacker once, but missed that sketch. So I have you to blame for the people's knowledge of Stella McCartney tersports hats!? Damn you. Damn your wormholes too!

Technodoll: Wow... That is crazy. you should keep that quiet though or every sleazeball will be calling random numbers and asking for phone sex in the hope it will lead to something more.

Amanda: Aww... the poor oldies who haven't grasped the notion of telecommunications. I am a bit disappointed in you though Amanda... Interrupting their daily dose of Summer Bay. Surely you could plan the calls around the soaps?

le tigre: Ha! I think it's a strange type of person that gets excited about a plain beanie... Or anything from a designer sportswear range...