Friday, February 29, 2008

Douche alarm! DOUCHE ALARM!!!

If anyone is feeling a bit down and out or is questioning their validity as a human or thinks they are the scummiest piece of worthless crap on the planet may I offer you some kind words?

K, thanks, here's they are.

-At least you're not this guy.-

Choas, I bow before your illiterate, bigoted, numb-skulled, assholish douche-a-rama.

Seriously. Choas? Did a butterfly flap its wings somewhere and the resulting winds rearraged the letters in your name?

For those of you who are too lazy/retarded/weak to click the link, here's a small slice of the fried gold that is Choas' ripping entry on his CRAZY, but totally SMOOTH pick-up efforts.

" I was dancing with a girl from my work that were just friends and I would just go up and start like grinding on other chicks from behind my friend in front and be like sry and stuff.."

Wow... And I thought I knew some assholes.
In their heads, the above movement is called a Sex Sandwich of Hot Lust and Sexy Sexness.
To the poor, poor girl trapped between Choas and his friend, who I'm going to call Disordre, it's a Vomit Inducing Asshole Sandwich With A Side Of Sweaty Palms And Tiny Pokey Boners.

And before you say anything, I am very happy with my girlfriend and I came across this through a google search gone awry. I would never ever want to associate with any of this 'Pickup Artist' nonsense. Subway Sandwich Artists are more artist than you are, Choas. Plus, the sandwiches at Subway never involve two sleazebags and unsolicited grinding.

Unless you opt for the Skeezy Mystery Footlong. Which I'd recommend you don't.

Choas, you are douche of the week. Congrats.


Gnugs said...

I vaguely remember my friend Steve telling me about some kind of code that guys need to use in order to pick up chicks... (I just guessed that he wasn't using it, or wasn't all that good at it since he was stuck drinking with me.)

So, what you're telling me is not only is all of this crapity-crap real, and not only do people use it, but Steve's a douche-bag?!

PHEW! And here I was feeling bad for condemning him for no reason. :)

Amanda said...

I didn't know any of this stuff existed until Jay posted about "The Game" a couple of days ago. I'd resisted the urge to look up the online forums... and now we see why. Dear god, that boy doesn't need "how to deal with women" tips, he needs "how to keep yourself out of jail because you're likely to get your head beaten in" tips, as well as an intensive course in writing skills.

Jay said...

Seems perfectly reasonable to me!

Technodoll said...

Ha ha. I just finished reading Neil Strauss's book a few weeks ago. Borrowed from my man, no less.

Gave me a whole new view on male scumbags of the earth.

PS: Forwarned is forarmed, I say. All women should read it!

Anonymous said...

seems like a smart fella.

Boy on a bike said...

Mate, this is just for you.

Moxie said...

The acronyms scare me, and I don't want to know what they mean. z

Dune said...

I've met graduates of The Game. Two in one night actually. Neil Strauss should have a fatwa put on his head :P

non-Blondie said...


Deutlich said...

I couldn't even read past the second line on that dude's rant.

Anonymous said...

like, like, like, like


he's just 2 kewl!

it's unreadable, you keep skipping back because you think you've missed a word

they's some strong drugs Choas is like, on, man!


jiminycricket said...

gnugs: Tell Steve about Choas, and then tell Steve you can see parallels. That should fix him. Don't ever feel bad about condemning people without reasons gnugs. I've made a lifestyle outta it.

amanda: I know, this guy needs all kind of tips. It just goes to show people's different taks on things, ie: This guy, using the whole Pick up artist thing to be a sleazebag and then Jay, who I wouldn't ever imagine to use it any way like that. Right Jay?

jay: Right? haha.. I know, what's not reasonable about grinding on unwitting peeople, and then being like, sry.

technodoll: Ah ha! Nice countertactics. I don't think I want to read it. I think someone would be better off reading up on some basic psych stuff rather than taking tips from a douchebag.

survivingmyself: I know! Maybe he's so intelligent he's elmiated the need for punctuation, spelling and grammar. He's on a higher level, man. He's all kinds of charming as well.

boab: haha... Thanks for the slug linkage..

moxie: I know... It's pretty scary to think that someone out there is looking at you and classifying you into some weird initialism. But never fear, there's enough decent people that classify people like Choas as a DOUCHE (Dumb, Ostensibly Ugly, Creepy, Hirsute Ewok) to banish him back to the swamp he crawled out of.

dune: Oh dear- Did they grind up on you? He should have multiple Fatwas place on his head. One for every ground-upon girl the world over.

girlfriend: NO THE COUCH!

Deutlich: I know. It's painful, huh. I had to read on though as i really wanted to see how horrible this guy was... THe answer: Damn horrible.

Kae: He's so kewl. It's so hard to read, hey. I don't think he's on drugs, I think he's just high on the odour of his own offensiveness.