Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Holy shitballs!

It's been a damn long while, homies.

This is mainly due to the Draconian measures that have been introduced to my workplace.
My boss sits beside me and frequently leans over and asks what I'm doing. If, god forbid, I'm taking two minutes out to check my email I get asked why I'm wasting time and not doing ALL THE WORK YOU HAVE, WHY IS THIS?

To which i shrug and scream at her in my head....

Despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage.

Anyways, my place of work is about to implode in a maelstrom of menopausal wrath. It's all cloak and dagger, with whispers in the corridor secret meetings and all kinds of junk.

I have to leave in five minutes for a secret meeting in a nearby coffee shop. I would not be surprised if there are Gregorian chants involved.

I think the meeting could be because the banshee manager overheard a few of us going to town (in the insulting sense, not the sexual one, you bunch of degenerates) on them the other day. And by overheard, I mean sneaked into the hallway and listened. Which is retarded behaviour from people who claim to be more professional than a hat full of doctors.

The problems may be that they heard the following terms being bandied about;

- Fish mouthed wench
- Fish wife
- 88 (Referring to the two fat ladies that are our managers.)
- Captain Aubergine and the Egg-Shaped Crusader (again, a nasty personal attack which i really should refrain from if I ever intend to kick it with Jeebus)
- Incompetent, irritating, thick-skulled, daft, retards.
- Cockwits.

Apparently this could be classed as subordination or some bullshit.

I don't see how.

Meeting begins in a couple of mins. I gotta get going.

Will give you the details upon return. And i'll post more, k?
Is anyone even left around here? Or did you get bored like, three months ago and give up and go to find your gutter humour froma more reputable and intelligent source, like say from a 10 year old?

It's ok. I understand.


Amanda said...

The beauty of reading through Google Reader is that even if someone drops off the face of the planet, when they reappear you know about it without actually having to do anything. And it's not like I thought you were dead or anything.

Your work sounds like complete and utter shite! I quit mine today, but I don't think even I've been caught out for my subordinate behaviour (which, at times, is rife). Hope the secret meeting goes alright... damn the man and all that.

Enny said...

ZOMG what happened?!
The pigeons are arms up in worry ;o)

Robbie said...

Good luck with that.

Maybe what you should do is buy everyone in the office shoes with bells on as a "present" that way you'll be able to hear them all the time.

If that doesnt work do the old Seinfeld trick and use tictacs (so when they walk around the tiny mints shake in their pockets) cheaper and much more likely to be accepted

Technodoll said...

He he. Only the brits can come up with such fantastic descriptives!

You've been missed, eh? Welcome back to blogland :-)

Sassy said...

'Bout damn time!
I know, I've just been lurking and you don't know me... but I like your blog and I've been wondering where you were. Hope all fairs well.

surviving myself said...

I'm still in.

and i enjoyed the Pumpkins reference.

Though Siamese Dream was their best.

Fever Dog said...

I don't see how that could be subordination -- from what you have said here about your boss, it looks like you have been quite restrained. But post more, dammit -- or I'll put the leeches on you.

jiminycricket said...

amanda: I too am I big proponent of Google Reader. Although at the moment I haven't been near it for ages so it's 1000+ unread items... Shit.
Work's getting better... Mainly because i put headphones on do my job and just tune out for most of the day. Damn the man indeed!

enny: lol.. I can't help imagining a flock of pigeons all throwing their arms up and gasping tiny pigeon gasps. hehe. It's all ok now though, pigeons can relax.

robbie: HAHA... Best idea ever. I wonder how many different items I can find with integrated bells. The tictac trick sounds like a plan.

technodoll: Thanks! Yes, I made it back after almost perishing in the real world.

sassy: Hi and thanks for finding me! Glad you enjoy the nonsense. All has seemed to work out, so life shall be returning to normalcy.

survivingmyself: Sweet. Glad you're still here. I'm in agreement on the Pumpkins front too.

FD: I think so too! Don't put the leeches on me. My blood is too strong for them and the poor little souls may perish.

Dune said...

I'm late to the party, surprise surprise. BUT, hopefully I get to find out what happens in the next post which you've already put up...

PS Am I the only person in the world who liked Melancollie more?

Ashley said...

what an adorable image of pigeons you have created jiminy. maybe i won't look at the thousands of them around the city with disgust today because i'll be imagining them breathing tiny sighs of relief.

jiminycricket said...

Dune: Late! Unacceptable! No, I'm sure heaps of other people liked Mellon Collie too. But they probably had bad taste. :P

Ashley: It's not my image! GO check out Enny's blog and find her post on pigeon's with arms. It's the funniest thing I've seen, since ages.

jiminycricket said...

Ignore that random apostrophe also.