Two nights ago on my way home from work, tragedy struck.
Which made me think: a 'suspected' fire? Did someone smell some smoke and freak out? Was it Christmas lights reflecting off the hard cold metal of the tracks? As far as I was aware, fire wasn't something that could be suspected. Is the child in the burns ward there due to a suspected fire? I think not. It was an ACTUAL fire, for sures. You can bet your epidermis on that one.
Anyways, I'm getting off track... Which is relevant for a train story I guess. Oh, quit your booing.
So my train was suspended and was sitting at the station with the doors open. Everyone thought they knew better and decided to wait out the crisis. I, on the other hand wanted to get home so got off and headed up to the bus stop, which wasn't all that busy. Waiting for my bus and the flow of people began to increase.
Then suddenly it happened.
it was kind of like when the oil in the pan gets hot and it's all peace and quiet until it hits flash point and then shit gets mental. And it did.
Up the escalator came a swarm of people. Deranged, sweaty people. And the scene changed from one of quiet commuting to one of madness and savagery.
The masses, like mushy peas, spewed forth onto the road, engulfing the bus as though it was an overcooked chip.
One man took to punching the doors and screaming, 'Open the fucking door!' which was unsuccessful, surprisingly. Some old lady thought the best way to expedite everyone's trip home would be to stand in front of a bus and yell at it. This method proved fruitless for the mad old bat.
Finally the bus made it to the designated stopping area, which I had luckily been standing close enough to. I anticipated that if I just stood and let myself be moved with the mob, I'd end up on the bus, fingers crossed.
People continued to go mental. One lady was pushed over as some bonehead tried to barge through the sea of people, an old man yelled into the air beside me.
I laughed out loud at the sheer absurdity of the whole situation.
Finally, I drew close to the door. And then I heard it- Possibly the worst call ever.
A pregnant lady had just stepped onto the bus and some old gnarled crack-hag behind her started shoving into her back.
"I'm sorry, I can't move on anymore, I'm pressed against the man in front of me." The pregnant lady politely informed Madame Crack Hag.
To which the Crack Hag replied "Not my fucking fault you're pregnant."
I couldn't say a word as my jaw was somewhere near my belly button.
I did manage to get on the bus though. the doors jammed shut right behind me. Sweet.
People here are mental though. As soon as things get a little bit hectic everyone just loses their shit.
As I said, this was on the way home from work. If it was on the way TO work; different story. The British are happy to spend two hours standing at a bus stop if it means they miss the first two hours of work.
But deprive them of their nightly two hours of Coronation Street, Holly Oaks and Emmerdale and you better watch your ass.
Especially if you're pregnant.