Ah the gym......
A place where like-minded people can gather, exercise and together, work towards their goals of ultimately achieving a healthier lifestyle and being a fitter/stronger/faster/slimmer person.
HA! Yeah right!
I was never really into gyms. Growing up, I was pretty isolated out on the farm... Not too much in the way of fitness centres. Nonetheless, I was and still am fairly fit and active. I played footy at an interstate level, I play mixed netball in a well regarded comp(Shush, it's an awesome game and if you're hating at me, I don't care), I snowboard, I slalom waterski and I run. Plus I did half-finish a degree in exercise science... That must count for something? It doesn't? Crap.
When I was younger the closest gym to me was about a 25 minute drive away. Unfortunately, the town the gym was located in had a... how do I do this tactfully... particularly unpleasant group of Italians that had a pretty rough reputation.
I hated them and unfortunately, the gym was their home. I mean, where else can one go to oil up their muscles, whistle at other guy's girlfriends whilst the guy is standing right there (it happened) and generally impose yourself on normal, easygoing people.
This bought about a distinct disdain for this particular gym and until I had settled in here in the UK (and by settled, I mean put on a bad number of kilos) I never ever wanted to go to a gym again.
Aforementioned kilos necessitated a gym membership however, and I joined the local one. Committing to pay a ridiculous amount to pick up heavy things and run on the spot inside their building, I pushed my hatred of gyms aside and entered with an open mind.
Which was promptly jammed shut.
My gym schedule consists of the following: free weights, treadmill, rowing machine, the circuit room and occasionally a yoga/body balance class.
I don't ask for much and I'm fairly autonomous, however there's another group of twats who've made my new gym their home.
"In just twelve weeks, you too can become a smarmy asshole! Wait.. What? You can see my wang? Shit."I sit on an empty bench and pick up some weights.
"Escoos me.. You be long?"
Yes I will be. I just sat down, so wait your fucking turn. Asshole.
So then the intimidation starts. Whilst I'm lying on the bench lifting away, one of them comes and stands right beside me, flexing and posing as he looks intently into the mirror.
Again, another of them will come up and ask "You be there much longer?"
Fuck. Right. Off.
I've been on here for 5 minutes, there's 50 other things you could be doing, but you've decided you want my bench.
It's horrible, the entire weights area is like their own little masturbatorium where they all stand around flexing and stroking each others biceps whilst rubbing their tiny steroid-shrunken hard ons.
OK, the last bit's not true, but the rest is.
They insist on yelling with every single rep. Bwoa! Bwoa! Bwoa! Bwoa! Ad infinitum.
Yes, we get it. You're lifting a heavy thing. Well done.
Not only that but they all walk around hissing when they exhale and standing over anyone else that's working out.
I think it might be a testosterone overload and they have to vent the excess hormone before they rupture a deltoid or something.
Why do people have to bring so much attitude to the gym?
No wonder there's women's-only gyms... If I was a girl, there's no way I'd want these assholes ogling me every time I walked past.
Can't people just work out without having to flex in the mirror every two reps?
Anyways enough of the ranting... I just had to get it out of the system.
Aside from the Polish Mafia. I like the gym. And now non-Blondie is working some nights, I get really bored, so the gym is a good place to whittle away the time.
Plus I can probably score some cheap horse steroids!
An aside: You know how the hole in a donut is like a little puckered kind of shape? Is it just me or does anyone else think big weightlifter guys look like a whole bunch of donut holes stuck together? Annoying, veiny donut holes. Ha! Best insult ever.
Anyone else have a issue with assholes at the gym? If so, any suggestions for disbanding/eradicating said assholes? Aside from 'Bring the pain' cos that's probably not likely to happen.
