Speaking of the future...

My last post got me thinking about the future and how disappointed people must be with the present. Which coincidentally was the future back then.
You see, everyone's lives were built on the hope that one day, they'd be zipping to the space-port diner a la The Jetsons. Granted, there is similarities- Lots of dads these days work part time in factories, but the difference is that their kids don't get looked after by Ruby Robot; they get left in the car with the windows up and occasionally fed by Rosa, the Hispanic alien from next door.

End digression...

Now here's some edu-ma-cation for all you non-Australians.
Back when I was a wee little tacker, there used to be this awesome show on TV called 'Beyond 2000'.
To an eight year old boy, the name alone was the most exciting thing ever since that time dad left his special cup too close to the high-chair.
The show provided an insight into current developments in science and technology and how they would make the lives of those living in the year 2000 so much more luxurious/simpler/exciting/less baby-vomit-green ridden.
So there was concept cars which had magical future things like electric windows, robot co-drivers and digital speedometers.
There was calculators that FIT INTO THE PALM OF YOUR HAND and could do all kinds of crazy things like addition.
There was laser guided kitchen utensils, jet powered steam irons, anaerobic dust projectors, gaseous plasma heaters and televisions that you didn't have to get up off your orange and green couch to change the channels on.
Fucking sweet.
To me, a dumb eight year old that once got so excited by a tv show about crocodiles that he jumped on the couch and fell onto the coffee table splitting his head open thusly getting himself rushed to hospital and receiving a fuck-tonne of stitches down his forehead, this show was like grown-ups had stolen all my Lego ideas and turned them into awesome, actual, radical things.
If I could have had a wet dream, I would have had one, probably. Instead I think I just wet the bed a few times.
Anyways, my head was filled with these wondrous devices and I longed for the years to pass so one day, in the years after the year 2000, I could fly to school with a jet pack and do my homework on this magical computing device which only needed TWO WHOLE ROOMS to operate and maybe even use electrical wiring to talk to people that also had dedicated computing device rooms in their homes.
I thought the future held alot.

Here I am, almost ten years 'beyond 2000' and I can't even get bullet-points to work properly in Word, I still have to tie my own shoelaces, I can't fucking hover/jet/teleport anywhere and to top it all off, the false prophets that came up with this programme of lies and fraudulent dreams have gone and re-made the TV programme under a new heading.

Now fair play, back in '81 they probably thought they were pretty safe with going with the 'Beyond 2000' name. I mean, 20 years or so is a long time in science. Unless your talking about evolutionary biology, in which case 20 years is fuck all. But in the 'science' that this show referred to 20 years was a long time and I can't fault them for expecting some of the things they showcased to have developed into usable technologies come the big 2-0 (0-0).

My problem's not with 'Beyond 2000', it is with the producers who decided that rather than risk the embarrassment of hazarding a guess and going with 'Beyond 2020', they decided to go with the title 'Beyond Tomorrow' for the new show.

Piss-weak.

Beyond 2000 was about things that may come to fruition in the (kind of but not really) distant future. Sure they made some calls that look stupid now, but dammit, in the 80's they put their spandex-clad asses on the line and I respect that.

Beyond Tomorrow is a cop out. Going from the title, Beyond Tomorrow could be a show about Thursday. And anyone can guess which technologies will exist on Thursday.
"Oh look honey, they're doing a special on electric kettles."
Lame.

The least they could have done is gone for 'Beyond 3000', at least then we wouldn't be alive to ridicule them when their isotopic fusion hats never come to be mass-produced or when the anti-gravity super car fails to be developed or when they fail to stop global warming using a series of mirrors, some gaffa tape and a bucket of liquid nitrogen.

But no, we get Beyond Tomorrow.
I predict that beyond tomorrow, I'll be a disillusioned 23 year old who wastes all his time working, complaining about working, writing drivel on a blog and hating on meaningless tv shows.

You can call me Nostradamus.

Blame the fricking television.

That's what I say. Blame the tv.
And yes, I'm well aware that there is a long standing debate on the effect of television on children and having bolted together an essay on the topic at uni I'm also aware that there's conflicting and often poorly conducted research for both sides of the argument.

I'll lay it out now though that I don't believe violence in television programmes or video games has any discernible long term impact on a child's behaviour, development or logic. Granted, some children may want to repeat an act seen on tv but I posit that it's the parent's responsibility to keep an eye on their child and ensure they're told what's right and what's not. I mean, growing up as a child the only direct impact tv had on me was once when I was about seven. There was a show on crocodiles about to start and I was so excited I was jumping on the couch and slipped, smacked my head on the coffee table and was rushed to hospital where I was sewn up with a number of stitches across my forehead.
So yes, blame tv for that. Also blame me for being the weird sort of child that gets excited to an almost epileptic level by a crocodile show.
Now to clarify, my stance on violence having an effect on children's behaviour is a firm and resounding 'Aww hells no'. And by violence I mean in a stylised, fictional sense.
However, (and this is the gripe that spawned this so-far beleaguered post) I do believe that certain television shows are on track to screwing with not only children, but impressionable adults. It's all these supposed reality shows. (Yes, yes, I know you've all heard a million rants about reality shows, but let me vent a little.)
So my issue with these shows it that it's the very nature of these shows to show supposedly normal people arguing, fucking, drinking, screaming, crying, swearing and basically exhibiting any other level of polarised behaviour. It's either that, or it's a My Super Sweet Sixteen scenario.
This show in particular really pisses me as it shows the most abhorrent, rich, spoilt children being given 'no budget' birthday parties* by their negligent parents whose idea of showing love or affection is anything that can be purchased for more than ten thousand big ones.

So kids sitting at home watch the people on Big Brother 34 screaming at each other over how much spaghetti has been used. They see some fat little whore from LA crying because her parents bought her an Audi and not the Mercedes she wanted. They see people in The Real World:Denver fucking and yelling and yell-fucking and fuck-yelling and whatnot.

And all of this, I'm postulating, sits somewhere inside their unconscious contributing to their understanding of what a basal behavioural level should be. And thus kids get this warped sense that it's ok to totally flip out over the tiniest things and then parents wonder why their daughter just called them a bunch of fuckwits, screamed and slammed the door when asked to tidy her room. Or why she went and fucked every guy at school because she thought that her friend Jodie was talking to her ex Tommy. Or something.
I dunno. I'm rambling.... I just think that kids are losing track of how a relatively normal person should act and as a result they're going to find social interaction a real task. Especially when every other chump and skank are all losing their shit and getting all up in each other's grills because the price of a sausage roll at the school canteen went up by 5 cents.

Bring back the good old days, when the only thing you hoped for as a tv watching child, wasn't a Mercedes or a BMW or for P Diddy to sing at your birthday party. Your only wish was to be on A*mazing and get to do the run through the maze collecting the hidden keys and hopefully winning a Gameboy.**
Halcyon days they were. Simpler times. Good times. Great times.

Anyways, I've had enough of trying to articulate my position on this.

The primary moral of the story is: Reality shows are screwing up everything.
The secondary moral of the story is: Bring back A*mazing. I could so do a whole post on that show. Stay tuned.

Also, what do you think? Is the portrayed craziness of people in reality shows messing up the perception of what 'normal' behaviour is for impressionable people viewing them?




* When I was 16, a 'No budget birthday party' was a rather literal term which meant I was getting sweet fuck all and would probably have to rely on mates to chip in and buy me a bottle or two of passion pop. No P Diddy at my birthday party. (Also note this * is not pertaining to the * in A*mazing. Just in case you were confused or something.)

** Remember James Sherry who hosted A*mazing? I found this page on him and now I think about it, it's like someone stole some DNA from Will Anderson and a sprinkling of alleles from Adam Hills and grew James Sherry in a petri dish. The Girl also told me a story which involved a girl from her school allegedly hooking up with James Sherry at a bar once. And then maybe going home with him. Whilst she was umm.... quite...errr... young.
I wonder if he made her rummage around to find his 'super secret hidden key'. Did she go home with a gameboy? Or did she get game with a home boy? Oh zing!
Um... Sorry... I promise that'll be the last bad pun for the year.